There’s been something bugging me for the past couple of weeks, and I just need to talk (or write) about it.
An acquaintance of mine posted a Facebook status about how he didn’t understand the value of, “teach your daughter to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.” He went on to say that we should teach our daughters to make better decisions about whom they date.
The backlash was swift.
To his credit, I understood what he was trying to say, and I don’t agree with a lot of the criticism he received, but I disagree with the generalization he made about how teaching girls how to “spot the bad guy” would solve most of the problems when it comes to dealing with Mr. Wrong (or several) in the dating game.
I believe his heart was in the right place when he went on to try to explain that it all begins with how a girl is raised; that if she’s brought up in a stable environment, and is taught the value of respect for herself and others, has positive male and female role models, etc. then she should be able to avoid the wrong guys when she starts dating.
Now, before you assume that he didn’t address single parent homes, he did, and his assessment was pretty much the same – it doesn’t matter which parent you’re living with, they have a responsibility to teach you the difference between right and wrong.
Like I said, I understood his assertions, but I disagree with his overall point, and here’s why…
I was raised in a two-parent household. My father treated, and continues to treat my mother, sister, and I with the utmost respect, and I was able to form a list of certain qualities I wanted in a man based on how my dad acted. To make a long story short, I learned the difference between right and wrong, as well as what was acceptable behavior when it came to men.
Yet, despite all of that, I still keep finding the “bad” ones. And I think part of the problem for many of us, is that we don’t realize they’re bad when we first meet them; the guy who went ghost on me threw me for a loop, and for probably the first time in the 21st Century, I was stood up two weeks ago by a guy who picked the date, time, and place.
In the words of one of my very best friends, “Who the **** does that nowadays?” Then there was the one, who after two months, all of a sudden didn’t want to start anything serious, then three days later declared himself in a relationship with another girl…I could go on, but all that would prove is that in spite of my parent’s best efforts, I still can’t seem to recognize the bad guy early enough.
Now, ladies, we are not just the victims in these scenarios. I’ve seen and heard of plenty of guys getting burned by girls in similar fashions. The difference is that while it’s perfectly acceptable for us to cry over what happened, guys are expected to “man up” and move on. No, I’m sorry, pain is pain, and sadness is sadness, they don’t differentiate based on gender.
I’ll also add that my acquaintance did state that parents/guardians/etc. also had an obligation to teach boys how to be men, and the lack of said education only contributes to the problem of guys and girls not being able to recognize what counts as good behavior, and who you should stay away from.
How about we all just treat one another with the respect we deserve? #FoodForThought