Part of the excitement of dating comes from all of the firsts you experience with your boyfriend. The first date, first kiss, first fight/disagreement, the first time you realized you loved him. The list could certainly go on.
When you think back on the firsts you’ve experienced with your current or former boyfriend(s), what do you remember most? What emotions bubble up inside of you?
Can you look back on the unpleasant or uncomfortable (you know they happen and we’re sure you’ve experienced them!) firsts and smile about them now that they’re just memories? (We’re guessing some of those “uncomfortable” firsts are now stories you two can laugh about now that they’re in the past.)
For me, and I’m assuming a lot of you, a first date always feels a little awkward. Not that the entire date is awkward, but the ‘I don’t know what to say or talk about’ moments when your eyes start to wander around and you tuck your hair behind your ear for the hundredth time. (And then become incredibly aware that it was the hundredth time.)
It’d be unwise for me to assume that everyone experiences this as some people are just natural talkers and sharers, and have no trouble breezing through a first date and making a stellar first impression. I think that often times we put a bit too much pressure on ourselves to portray this perfect persona (the guy you’re with isn’t perfect either so don’t try so hard) that can sometimes lend itself to the awkwardness you end up feeling. I’ve also found that as I’ve gotten older and more comfortable with myself, I worry less about how I’m coming across to the guy and pay more attention to how I’m feeling.
It’s important to: Be. Yourself. If you put on an act or are on ‘extra good behavior’ (that ‘extra good behavior’ that isn’t who you truly are) you may surprise him later when your true colors start to shine through. You want him to like you for who you are, right? We know… that can sound scary, but why act a certain way to get someone to want to go on a second or third date with you? Then you have to keep that act up. And let’s be honest, that can get exhausting.
When thinking about the first kiss, I mean your first real kiss. Yes, you may have kissed him goodbye after your first date and a few times since, but I’m talking about the first ‘a-ha’ moment. The moment when you truly feel a connection and the kiss isn’t just an absent-minded habit. It’s not like the movies, it doesn’t happen in slow motion rain with a ballad playing in the background. But it’s yours and yours to remember both well into the relationship and after, should it not last.
My boyfriend and I had our first kiss on our second date standing on a Metro platform in DC. We’d spent the day exploring two museums and I felt connected to him. While waiting for the train home he wrapped his arm around me and we kissed. In that moment I knew I wanted to keep seeing him.
First First Fight/Disagreement
Fights and disagreements are tough. You both believe you’re right and can sometimes be too proud or stubborn to admit when you’re wrong. A first fight could be something as simple as a sarcastic response taken the wrong way to frustrations outside of your relationship causing you to explode from the tiniest of things that happens in your relationship.
I listed fights and disagreements together because although it doesn’t always happen, a disagreement can turn into a fight, but it doesn’t have to. It all depends on how you handle that initial disagreement. I’ve disagreed with boyfriends before, but have never fought with any of them. I’m not a confrontational person, anyone who knows me can tell you that, which is why it would take a lot for me to actually fight with a boyfriend. You know… the one where you don’t speak for a few days and when the thought of even seeing him angers you.
I’d like to hope that no one’s first fight is ever that bad but I know I’d be wrong. And, we know it can even feel scary.
And that there may be times when your mind can run wild with thoughts of, ‘What is he thinking?’ ‘What if that thing I said is causing him to have second thoughts… or worse yet, want to break it off?’ It is important to communicate fairly and listen to what he has to say as well. In order to get past your first fight/disagreement, you have to acknowledge first what’s really bothering you and talk to your guy with an open mind. Being close-minded and going in already defensive isn’t going to help. And remember: sometimes taking a few minutes (an hour, a night, or a day) to breathe and gather your rational thoughts isn’t always the worst thing. Sometimes it can be just what you both need to listen and speak clearly and fairly.
First Feelings of Love
Love can be one of the most confusing firsts. Is it real or superficial? How deeply are you feeling it? What do you do about it? Is it too soon? Am I just really excited or is this the ‘real thing’? Some people fall in love in a few days, a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years. It may seem strange but it’s true.
Depending on what you’re each putting into your relationship, and what you’re looking for, it can take over a year for love to make itself known. Sometimes you don’t even realize you loved someone until you lost them. No two feelings of love are the same though. Each of us experiences it differently, but I can think we all agree that whether you’re in your first relationship, your fifth or with the same person for three years, the first time you realized you loved any one of your boyfriends you never forgot how it made you feel.
It’s been almost six years since my relationship with my first boyfriend but I still remember how and when I felt love for him. I knew I was falling in love with my current boyfriend a few weeks before I actually told him I was. And despite the happiness that came from knowing I was in love, I was also nervous to tell him – a fear many others also experience. One night I decided it was time to tell him. We went to dinner and went to hang out at his place. By the time he walked me to my car I had attempted to tell him exactly how I felt three times, but couldn’t get the words out. When we kissed goodbye we both kind of just kept looking at each other, so I said, “What is it? You look like you want to say something.” He said, “So do you.” I smiled nervously but before I answered him he said, “Is it too soon to tell you I love you?” I shook my head, “No, because I love you too. I’ve been trying to tell you all night.”
These are just a few of the many firsts you’ll experience in a relationship or have already experienced. Had we included more this post could have easily turned into a book. (If you’re still here with us, we applaud you.)
Now, TDC wants to know, what’s a first that you haven’t forgotten? Let us know in the comments below, we’re always up for a ‘All Those Firsts, Part II.’